I'm pro-marriage, but not anti-anything

Well, readers, if you are like me, (and who knows, you might not be like me at all, but we'll pretend for a minute, shall we?) you have had a bit of a hard time trying to explain about the Church and the gay marriage issue, especially in the face of Prop 8 and the aftermath. Although, granted, we didn't have as much brouhaha on this side of the country (thank heavens for Southern Baptists, huh?).

Anyway, I was reading in Mormon Times, the LDS section of the Deseret News that is published every Sunday. There is a series of articles that is running now, by Linda and Richard Eyre, about LDS parenting that I am very much enjoying. They have been talking about why Mormons have a positive view of sex, why we need to help our children understand that, and how older kids can wait for the right time, with the right person.

One of the latest articles had the most fantastic explanation for why we don't support gay marriage that I have ever read, and I thought that I should share it with you. Just in case you're like me.


I've included the text of the article so you can read it, but I've also included the link, in case you'd like it. Use spiritual message to share same-sex marriage beliefs Mormon Times

So, here ya go:

We don't want our column to be thought of as always being about sexually related subjects (click here and here for the last two editions about the distinctive Mormon paradigm regarding sex), but there is one more related topic that has to be mentioned in this context.

Gay marriage.

Because we travel and speak with as many people as we do, and because people generally know we are Mormons, and because they know about Prop. 8, the subject comes up a lot. Sometimes it comes up in a hostile way: "How can you be so intolerant and insensitive?" Sometimes it comes up curiously: "Why does your church get involved in the gay marriage debate?"
Here's what we've learned: Political arguments or "historical" answers don't work!

You can talk till you are blue in the face about how marriage has always been between a man and a woman, or about how we should honor the California popular vote, or about how kids could become gender-confused, and you will just sound more narrow and prejudiced and homophobic than ever to your opponent.

The only answer or explanation that works is a spiritual one.

We've taken to just saying, "Let me just spend a minute telling you about a spiritual belief that I think will explain our position." Then we say something like this:
Mormons have a highly family-centric theology, believing that God is literally our Spiritual Father and that we lived as spirit persons with our heavenly parents before coming to this earth. Marriage and procreation provide the physical bodies that allow additional spiritual siblings to come from the spiritual pre-life into mortality. And we believe that families can continue to be together in the hereafter.

In this context, marriage between a man and a woman, and having children together, lies at the center of God's plan and is a core purpose and reason for this earth and our life on it. Hopefully, understanding that Mormons have these beliefs makes it easier for you to see why we want to protect the institution of marriage as the union of a man and a woman, and for you to understand that our church is not anti-gay but pro-marriage.

We always try to mention that we view all people as our brothers and sisters and we add our personal belief that we favor full-rights-giving civil unions, and that it is the divine and eternally purposed concept of marriage that we are trying to protect.

Making a spiritual statement like this usually ends the debate. It doesn't win the debate or convert or even interest people in our beliefs, but it raises the conversation to a level where at least people can agree to disagree. Whether someone is intrigued by the belief, or whether he or she thinks we are crazy, it's hard to go back to a political argument after you've made a spiritual statement, and in the context of what we believe about the purpose and plan of mortality and eternity others can at best respect us, and at worst at least grasp why we have to try to protect traditional marriage.

And here's another benefit of taking this approach: If you make this kind of spiritual statement, what you have done is essentially share your testimony about the Plan of Salvation and about the central part that family plays in that plan. And that is a good thing!