Dear Grandpa

My Grandfather Barrus died this last week, on Tuesday, March 15th.  I was lucky enough to be able to go out to the funeral, and stay with my mom and dad for a couple of days.  My Grandpa's an amazing person, and I don't even have enough room to go into all that he's done and all that he has said that is so important to me. 

A little while before he passed away, my mom asked me to write him a letter, talking about my memories, and saying goodbye, essentially, so I thought I would post it for ya'll to read and remember Grandpa too.

Dear Grandpa,

There are so many memories of you as I go through them in my mind. Some of my earliest (and best) memories are from when I was a child and we made our annual pilgrimages to your home. “Going to Utah,” was more than just a vacation; it was something magical, and bordering on the realm of fantasy.

I always knew that I was really, truly, at Grandpa’s house because of the exquisite scent of the summer night that greeted me as we would step out of the car after our long drive onto the warm concrete of your driveway.

I remember that you were always such a warm and calming presence—of course, maybe not when Adam and I made mud pies in your garden, but on the whole, your whole personality bespoke peace.

I remember your garden and the cool grass under my feet as I would walk from the house to my climbing tree, enjoying the beauty that surrounded me. I remember hiding under the bottom of the stairs, and creating a whole world for myself—until we had to put the cushions back on the sea o' couch, at least. I remember how much I loved going to church in your ward, and the novelty of having a church so close that we could walk to it.

Later, when there were too many of us to gather in Utah all at the same time and you would “make the rounds,” to visit all of us in turn, I was always so excited to get to spend some special time with you. As I got older, I remember you coming for various baptisms, or whatnot, and knowing we were lucky because you would stay at our house.

I remember one time in particular, during the winter, that it snowed so much that school was canceled, but you and mom had decided that we were going to go “mall walking”—my first foray into that brave new world. I remember sitting in the back seat of your car as you drove through the drifts, feeling proud that my grandpa was not only brave enough to drive in the snow, but cool enough to want to go to the mall. :o)

And when I was going to BYU, I knew that when things got just too hard or too crazy, that I was always welcome to come up to Bountiful and refresh myself in the calm and peaceful Spirit that was the overwhelming feeling and tone in your home. As I remember these times that I have spent in your company, I now recognize that it was your devotion to the gospel and the Savior that always made being with you, and in your home, such a special event.

I appreciate the example that I have seen in your life, and the testimonies that you have borne, especially at our family reunions. I remember in particular when you talked to all of the grandkids at the reunion outside of Zion National Park, about the importance of a temple marriage, that everyone so far in our family had been married in the temple, and how you truly hoped that we would each make the decision to get married there, and only there.

I had always planned on being married in the temple, but hearing how many generations of our family had done that, and how you hoped that we wouldn’t “break the chain,” so to speak, really helped me renew my resolve. That was a big deal for me, especially since I was going to be dealing with that fairly soon at that time in my life.

It has been such a strengthening influence to be able to look at your life and know that I could always depend on you to do the righteous thing, give inspired counsel, and follow the Savior, no matter what. I know that your example has helped my mom become who she is.

My dad has mentioned that it was your example, after they got married, that helped him know the kind of father and man that he could become. So you have helped the two most wonderful and influential people in my life be more of who they wanted to be, which has, in turn, helped me be more of who I want to be—Jeff too, as a matter of fact. I think that is the thing that I am most grateful for, out of everything. Your influence has been, and will continue to be, felt through the generations.

I love that you have always been such a lover of theater, and an example of high standards of entertainment.

I love that you took the time one summer while I was visiting from BYU to show me Grandma’s grave, even though it might have been painful.

I love that when I was going to BYU that you always made me feel welcome, and that I could visit any time, bringing various friends and roommates, so that I had a home away from home. Even though, as I look back on it, it was probably only rarely as convenient as you made me feel it was.

I love that you came to events that were important to me and supported me. When I was in a choral concert at BYU, not one of my roommates made the effort to attend, but you and Grandma Flora drove down to be in the audience, and even took me out to ice cream afterwards. That made such an impact on me, and I am so grateful that you took the time to do that.

I love that you have always been such a fantastic example of serving in the church, that you made going on missions as a couple so much the norm that I almost can’t remember how many you’ve been on. (Four!) Seeing how much you wanted to go on missions, and how much you enjoyed sharing the gospel, however you could, really helped inspire me to go on my own mission.

I love that you’ve also been such a standard of righteousness that I knew that if I could be reasonably sure that you would be proud of me, that I was doing the right thing.

And I love that you’ve been an example of righteousness, so that I knew that if Grandpa thought that something was good, it was, and if he had doubts about something, then it wasn’t.

I love that when I would come to your house that you really wanted to hear about my silly life, and my silly struggles, and that you were so encouraging.

I absolutely love that you always remembered not only my birthday, but Jeff’s birthday, and each of my children’s birthday. I am floored that you even remembered Taran’s (and Benajmin's) birthday last week, with all that is going on for you personally.

And I really, really, really loved that you took the time to write in my cards that you were proud of me, and that you thought I was doing a good job as a mother in Zion. That really means so much to me, and it always made me feel better about myself, and the job I was trying to do.

Thank you for giving me such a wonderful mom, that you and Grandma taught her to be faithful in the gospel, so that she could teach me, and I could teach my children.

Thank you for your testimony of the gospel, and your courage in sharing what you knew your family needed to hear—in the family letters, talking in person, and by your example.

Thank you for being a true patriarch of our family, and giving me and my family a gospel legacy that we will always lean on.

Thank you again for your testimony. Thank you for being prepared so that I know that it’s going to be ok. I promise to do my best to make sure that there are no empty chairs.

I love you, Grandpa.