One of My Best Blessings

This morning was horrible, and humbling, and wonderful, almost all at the same time. Today I had to bake bread for the week, so I started grinding the wheat while the kids were watching Sesame Street. Kelcey was home from school with a fever, but was doing much, much better.

While the wheat was grinding I sat in the chair in the Family Room and did some hand sewing that I’ve been needing to do, so my back was to the kitchen. Plus, the volume on the TV was really loud so that the kids could hear it above the wheat grinder. Which all means that I couldn’t see or hear what was going on in the kitchen. Ben had gotten up, but I thought that he went up to the playroom. Not so.

When I finished enough sewing to take a break and get up, I saw that Ben had taken the top off of the grinder, and a bunch of the wheat had spilled. And then he played in it so that it was all over the place. EVERYWHERE. It was all over the counter and the floor, all the way to the kitchen table.

I was operating under a fairly tight schedule (when am I not?) of grinding wheat, then baking bread, and then paying bills, and then putting a photo book together, not to mention the 7 other things I had on my to-do list, and today is piano lessons, and Activity Girls, and Cub Scouts, and… I saw it all going down the drain. I was totally overwhelmed, and I just couldn’t see how I was going to get it all cleaned up, and then do everything else too.

So, the horrible part?  I am extremely ashamed to say that I lost it. Completely.  Horribly.

I started screaming and crying, asking, how he could do that? I grabbed Ben, gave him a three really hard swats, took him into the bathroom for a time-out and set him down (none too gently, either), and then beat on the closet door so that I wouldn’t beat my child.  Seriously, my thumbs are bruised from hitting the door so hard.  Oh, I am so pathetic!

I told Heavenly Father that I just couldn’t do this, that it was all too hard—and somehow, it wasn’t just the wheat anymore, it was the pregnancy, and the kids, and all of the other things that I have to do.

After screaming and crying a little bit more, I got the heck out of Dodge, because I knew that I just had to get out of the situation before I did anything that I would regret. More than I already do, anyway.

You know, I had thought that I was doing a pretty good job with the pregnancy hormones, not letting them get the best of me, not being “that” mom, , but then something like this happens, and I am out for the count. Sigh…

So, I just sat there, blubbering and feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself, when my mom called to ask me a question. I think the Lord knew that I needed serious help, because there was no coincidence about the timing of that call. My mom has always been my best support, and able to help me with whatever I need—talk me off the proverbial ledge, if you will—and she really helped this time. By the time I explained everything, and she gave me some suggestions, I was able to calm down, and stop crying, and realize that it wasn’t the end of the world.

Ok, so here’s the really wonderful part: While I had locked myself away, crying and feeling like I couldn’t handle it anymore, Kelcey, all by herself, got out the sweeper and dust pan, and just started cleaning up. She even shook out the rug so that she could get all the wheat that had gotten on that as well. By the time I emerged, telling myself that "I. Can. Do. This!", Kelcey had a whole section of the floor clear. She gave me such a sweet smile (not even holding a grudge because I had screamed and scared her and Ben half to death) and said, “Look, Mommy! I’m cleaning up!” She even asked if we could clean up together.

I was so humbled, and so truly grateful for everything she had done. All of a sudden, it didn’t seem so overwhelming, and I knew that I could do it, especially with her help and loving attitude. Together, we cleaned up it all in about 20 minutes.

Mostly I am so grateful for her sweet spirit of love and service, willing to help me, even though I totally didn’t deserve it, but she knew that I needed it. She just saw that I needed help, and she started cleaning. Without me saying a word. And she even knew how she should clean up!

As I think about it, I am just so humbled that the Lord helped me in my moment of need, sending my own personal angels: first my mom to help me calm down, and then my little girl, barely 6 years old, who gave loving service when I felt like I couldn’t do it all by myself. Because of them, I didn’t have to do it all by myself. I wasn’t alone. Just like we’re never really alone. He always knows what we need. I still can’t believe that my prayers were answered so quickly and completely, especially when I had just proved how messed up I really was.

This is one of my most amazing, absolutely wonderful, favorite moments with Kelcey, and I never want to forget it. I am so unbelievably lucky to have her for my daughter. She is one of my best blessings.